THREE THINGS I LEARNED TODAY AT THE PASSPORT OFFICE
March 30th, 2009 — 07:11 pm
Pursuant to my coming crossing of the mighty U.S./Canada border, today at long last I was able to make my way to the front of the line successfully in order to obtain a U.S. Passport. This was my fifth or sixth attempt, plagued by the erratic hours the office is open, long lines, and inconvenient lunches. I thought I would share with you, O World Beyond This Flat-Screen Monitor, three things which I learned today:
ONE: If you want to fit in at the Post Office, and especially while waiting for an hour in the passport line, by all means hook up your phone to your ear, stare off into space disinterestedly, and just yammer away the whole time. Please. If you really want to fade into the background, liberally season your conversation with expletives and personal details from your life. Occasionally threaten whomever it is you are talking to.
Some people find this sort thing to be rude; other, even less enlightened people might become enraged to be subjected to this kind of audio onslaught. Clearly, these people who are so sensitive are throwbacks to a time before we all carried telephones around with us every where we went. If one of them complains bitterly to you, just nod and wait them out… soon they will be as inured to this sort of public nuisance as you are.
TWO: If you are fortunate like me, and get a sweet woman who loves it when you call her ma’am and say please and thank you, then you can make the most ridiculous faces for your passport photo and she will only say, “Ooh honey, we’re still getting a little more glare.” “What about now?” “Oh that’s better.” “Do you think I should smile even bigger?” “Sure, if you want to!”
The little drawing above is pretty much about half as crazy looking as the photo she and I later settled on. I was pretty excited, as I wasted a lot of time in front of the mirror trying to come up with faces I could slip by as my “regular” smile.
If you don’t know this already, this is a great lesson: being sweet to people who get pooped on all day will get you pretty much whatever it is that you want. Don’t YOU love it when people are sweet to you? Well there you go.
THREE: When I sat down in line and an official told me he estimated it would take me about an hour to get through the line, I was worried that I would easily finish the copy of Naoki Urasawa’s Pluto I’d brought, so I tried to read it slowly and really absorb it. When, about 35 minutes later my number got called, I was actually a little disappointed as I was so immersed in the story. I love it! If you’re looking for a good manga to read, Pluto has all the earmarks of being great. I’m only a fair-weather fan of Osamu Tezuka (Pluto is a retelling of the “Pluto” storyline from Tezuka’s Astro Boy), so a more serious version of a Tezuka story is right up my alley.
Okay, those are my three things! Back to your phone conversations, everyone!
Category: BLOG 11 comments »
March 30th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Yer killing me. First X Minus One and now Pluto. Pluto has REAFFIRMED my love of manga.
As for standing in line, gov’t employees, etc. My opinion hasn’t changed so far as they’re concerned.
March 30th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I was pretty upset before this visit, what with the ridiculous hours and exorbitant cost to get a piece of paper that would let me leave the country. BUT the lady who let me make a truly awful smile for my passport photo AND Pluto have saved the day. This is my first Urasawa, too–I’ve never read Monster before.
March 31st, 2009 at 9:32 am
OK. You’re the third (sorta) person to tell me to check out Pluto. Will do. I hope my passport isn’t expired. I don’t think it is. I better check.
March 31st, 2009 at 9:35 am
I’m not going to say it’ll blow your face off or anything, but it’s just a cool story, told cleanly and well. With enough Tezuka weirdness to make it strange and interesting (think Phoenix), but not so much that’s it’s ridiculous (Ode to Kirihito). I’m extra excited because we got our volume 1’s late, so #2 is already out, meaning I don’t have to wait!
April 1st, 2009 at 11:34 am
Hey Dustin, now that you went through passe-port waiting line torture successfully, will we see you in europe at some point?
You can always crash my couch!
April 1st, 2009 at 11:37 am
No no, Simon–I’m a very good, safe driver. I may have some trouble parallel parking your couch, but I would never crash it.
April 1st, 2009 at 4:41 pm
OK! Good to hear that you don’t swing out as far!
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:57 am
I’m really glad that you’re enjoying Pluto. It’s deffinitely one of my series today.
April 4th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
I actually just bought Monster vol. 1 yesterday. Apparently Heroes can’t seem to get in another copy of Pluto.
Oh, and couldn’t you have saved yourself some trouble and just borrwed Alec Longstreth’s passport?
April 5th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Rich, we’ll get Pluto in eventually–Diamond can’t seem to get it to us. In the meantime, you can buy my copy. It’s in my office. I’ll just (sniff!) wait. Have you seen Alec lately? His beard is so wild, I’m sure I’d get stopped at customs with HIS passport.
April 20th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
dood! this drawing made me smile!