Ask Professor Cuckoo! Go on, ask him!
In gearing up to begin a long memoir project, I need to knock out some quick strips in the meantime to stick to my weekly schedule but have the time to do all the planning and so forth involved in the memoir stuff. Not to mention to get ahead of schedule for once, rather than behind, behind, always behind.
TO THAT END: I want to do a series of strips called “ASK PROFESSOR CUCKOO!”, where readers send in questions and, well, he answers them. Any kind of question is fine, if it can be answered in a humourous, even absurd way by a fictional cartoon construct. Within the space of a single page of comics.
Personal problems? ASK PROFESSOR CUCKOO! Embarassing rash? Smelly discharge? ASK PROFESSOR CUCKOO! Love advice? Legal concerns? Questions of deep spiritual significance? ASK PROFESSOR CUCKOO!
If you have a question you’d like to ASK PROFESSOR CUCKOO!, stick it in the comments section below. If I use your question, I’ll credit you in the strip, and will also sell you the original if you want it. What a deal! I will also sell you the original even if you had nothing to do with it. I’m like the Statue of Liberty for questions and money with this thing.
Okay! You know what to do: ASK PROFESSOR CUCKOO!
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
I have in the past been a disgruntled employee. I like my current job – am I now "gruntled"?
Thank you.
How can I get Winston, my cat, to stop licking my (nicely shaved) head? It's a distraction.
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
I really like this girl but I'm afraid I'm going to mess things up. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Terence
Prof Cuckoo! (Can I call you Prof?)
…is that a ghost of yourself standing behind you? He seems to possess no clothes, or mouth come to think of it?
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
How did the creatures in Avatar mate? Did they lay eggs?
No one else will explain it to me.
Thank-you,
Curious about creatures.
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
Does anything mean anything anymore? (Oh how I fail at philosophical questions)
Your's sincerely,
Graham
P.S. If you're open to just plain silliness: What is the most delicious way to eat a bicycle? All my recipes have produced horrendous results.
Dear Prof,
I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood, and met many new people of a similar age to myself.
However, I am obsessively fearful of the possibility that I may have met them all before, perhaps at summer camp!
What should I do?
Advice column?! Are you mocking me?! Is that supposed to be a drawing of me?! You son of a bitch, Dharbin! I'll kill you for this!
love,
chip.
p.s: note: the above is an actual question which I hope to see answered with lovely visuals of me. Thanks,
Professor Cuckoo (I hesitate to say "Dear," since I'm not quite sure of the intent of your upraised and strangely elongated index finger):
Who REALLY writes those letters in Penthouse Forum?
Sincerely,
A troubled teenage boy
Dear Doc,
Does this look infected?
Ow,
Bear
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
Why are "economy sized" boxes of clothes washing detergent HUGE and "economy sized" vehicles small?
Thanks,
Confused consumer
Aha! I only pull this one out for special occasions. It actually appeared on a 10th grade geometry test I had to take (I think the teacher was on painkillers at the time):
What is the difference between a duck?
thanks!
–Chad
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
Are Stan Lee and Richard Petty the same person?
Thank you,
Shannon Smith
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
How best to avoid poison ivy in the winter?
Thanks,
Concerned hiker
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
I waited for three hours at the rendezvous point Have decided not to break cyanide capsule tooth Am assuming you are under hostile surveillance Initiate Protocol Elephant Red Zanzibar 4?
Love,
Jordan
P.S. Do you "like" like me? check yes or no
Gah! The blog thought my use of brackets around the "STOPs" was html and erased them, here is it gain.
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
I waited for three hours at the rendezvous point STOP Have decided not to break cyanide capsule tooth STOP Am assuming you are under hostile surveillance STOP Initiate Protocol Elephant Red Zanzibar 4? STOP
Love,
Jordan
P.S. Do you “like” like me? check yes or no STOP
Dear Prof:
Is God Almighty so great and all-powerful that he can create a rock so big even He can't lift it?
Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
Why do drive thru ATMs have Braille?
Who really won the 2000 election?
and here's one for the grown-ups:
What came first the chicken or the rooster? (Notice I didn't call the rooster a….never mind!!!)
Finally– where the heck is the Monday morning Comic?????????
Wow! I can't believe all these posts. Although guys–there are not that many usable questions here. Professor Cuckoo is a brilliant… something, but even he can't make hay out of most of these suggestions. Although Andy's questions are pretty good, there are a couple of possibles in there. Thanks for all the input!
Dear Prof,
Where do babies come from? Is it Spain?
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? Why?
Naseem
Professor Cuckoo:
What is the exact color of the sky?
Which is the best flavor of ice cream, objectively?
Are plaid socks more comfortable than plain socks?
Which insects are the best at reading?
What is the ideal verbal and physical greeting between two strangers?
What type of music is the least offensive? Most offensive?
What type of odor is the least offensive? Most offensive?
What type of person is the least offensive? Most offensive?
Thank you for your time.
Ryan R.
Professor Cuckoo,
Could you please explain the ecological purpose of the platypus. Thank you.
Neil
(Mostly I want to see Dustin draw platypuses…… or is it platypi?)
Dear Professor Cuckoo…….
Getting better guys, getting better!
Prof. Cuckoo,
I am living in a new city where I don't fully speak the language. My closest friends are far away and my relationship recently ended. How do I make friends? How do I meet people?
Sincerely,
Justin
Dear Professor Cuckoo,
Will my parents ever come home? I have eaten all the cereal.
Love,
Jordan
Why doesn't everybody want to be their ideal self's? Why wont somebody go buy me beers and candy RIGHT NOW.